i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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