It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
