my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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