my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
