All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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