Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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