Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
