Jerry, you need to find god
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
