I hate your face
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
