I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
