My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
