We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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