we have pet lesbian snakes
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
