So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
