Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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