Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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