I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
