Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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