Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm getting married
To pizza
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
