I need help removing her.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize