I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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