You smell like a Billy Joel song
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
