i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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