just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
