i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
