Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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