My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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