I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
