so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
