It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
