worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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