It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
