the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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