She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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