Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
