whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
