I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
