Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
