If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
