that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
