Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
