Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
