she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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