Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
