My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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