He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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