my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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