I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need moral support for this bender
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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