I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
