Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
