Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
