it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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