the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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