oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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