after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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