I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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