I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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