Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
