I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
