i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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