My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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