It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
