Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I believe in your delicious
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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