I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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