I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize