I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
