I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
