Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
