remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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