You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
