apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize