maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
