he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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