Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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