is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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