i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is my gift to your gina
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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