I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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