woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
