How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize