Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize