did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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