Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
