i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
