Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
