My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
