everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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