last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
