im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
