If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
