my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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