Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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