Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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