I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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