we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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