my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
