I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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