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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
