drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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