I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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