I will die if light touches me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
