On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
