I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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