apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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