Your face is a jimmy john
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
